How do I get the most out of couple's therapy?
Most clients want to know this, at minimum, to decrease the distress that has brought them to therapy and get the most for their investment.
And therapists want that for you, too. Although we realize that change takes time, and that is what therapy is all about, changing the dynamic in your relationship, but we want you to feel relief sooner rather than later. So often, psychology is counterintuitive. What we think will help does the exact opposite.
And so what I'm about to share may feel that way--how could this suggestion help, but it does! When you are working as a couple, it is best if you can focus on you. So often couples arrive to therapy to share what their partner is saying, doing, feeling, but what helps the most is for you to get in touch with what you are saying, doing, and feeling. After all, this is what you can control. And one person changing the way they interact could illicit a different response from his/her partner which, in turn,illicits a different response from you--creating a more productive feedback loop. The goal is eventually to see the entire dynamic that is keeping you stuck, not simply the content of your arguments, not what your partner does, but how the entire dynamic works. It is often easier to see your partner's moves in the dynamic than your own, so that's why focusing on you provides valuable information.
Let the therapist focus on your partner at first--you are relieved of this duty. Focus on you! What is your part in the relational dynamic, the cycle, the history...even if your part is 10% of the challenges--what is that 10%? I know, it can be challenging, but you will move along more efficiently, relieving the distress sooner, if you can approach the process this way.
About the author: Melissa Hudson, Ph.D., LMFT-S is a licensed marriage and family therapist supervisor in Plano, Texas specializing in couples counseling, anxiety disorders, and depression. She also works with adults and families on a full spectrum of concerns. She sees clients throughout the state of Texas via Telehealth or in-person. Have questions? Reach out! melissa@counselingsolutionstexas.com | 214-235-8175 | www.counselingsolutionstexas.com