Understanding Imbalance: Over-Functioning, ADHD, and Setting Objectives in Couples Therapy
As a couples therapist, I often encounter a familiar pattern: one partner has been over-functioning for years, compensating for the other’s undiagnosed ADHD or another mental health challenge. When couples come to see me, they often sense something is off but struggle to pinpoint the core issue. It may feel like one partner is 'doing everything' while the other remains disconnected or emotionally absent, yet neither is entirely clear on why the imbalance persists.
When we meet in session, my first priority is to create a space where both partners feel understood and supported. I aim to reflect back the dynamics I observe while helping you explore what’s happening in the relationship. Together, we’ll define clear objectives for the work ahead, focusing on creating healthier patterns and fostering connection. My role isn’t to mediate or debate fairness, but to guide you through a journey to heal and grow and at times offer my professional insights. It's important that you feel comfortable with what I bring to the process, so we can work together in a way that builds trust and fosters positive change.
It surprises me how often, despite seeking professional help, some couples resist exploring new ideas or diagnoses that might provide clarity. For instance, if there’s a possibility of undiagnosed ADHD impacting the relationship, it’s important to acknowledge and address it. Yet some people shy away from these discussions, even when the knowledge could transform their health and their marriage.
This is when I know we’re not a good fit. I don’t believe in repeating a cycle week after week without movement toward the client’s objectives. And I won’t participate in the same stuck dynamics in my office that a couple plays out at home. It’s counterproductive, and ultimately, it doesn’t serve the couple’s growth.
This pattern of recreating home dynamics in therapy is known as isomorphism—when the behaviors and relational patterns that are problematic in the relationship are mirrored within the therapeutic process itself. When I point this out, it often annoys couples, but the truth is, recognizing this mirroring is critical for change. It’s a clear sign that something needs to shift, not just in the therapy room, but in the relationship itself. If therapy becomes just another space to relive the same frustrations without addressing the underlying causes, it ceases to be helpful.
My goal is to create an environment where couples can engage in a deeper exploration of the forces at play in their relationship, whether it’s mental health concerns, communication issues, or unmet emotional needs. That process starts with openness to new insights and a willingness to break free from the repetitive cycles that no longer serve the relationship.
Dr. Melissa Hudson, LMFT-Supervisor is one of the most sought-after relationship experts in the DFW area with over 14 years in private practice. Serving Frisco, Plano, Allen, The Colony, and Flower Mound, TX, Dr. Hudson specializes in couples therapy, helping partners navigate conflicts, reignite intimacy, and strengthen emotional bonds. Known for her compassionate and research-driven approach, Melissa guides couples in breaking negative cycles and fostering enduring relational health. Whether you're looking to resolve ongoing issues or deepen your connection, Dr. Hudson provides the expert insight and tools needed for a healthier, more fulfilling relationship. Explore her transformative couples therapy today.