So you want to win, huh? What are you willing to do? You think you will do what it takes to win that argument with your partner? As a couple's therapist, I watch couples argue everyday. Round and round, in front of me, usually until I stop them. I mean after all, they can do this at home for free! I'm waiting for one of them to do this...but alas, neither has what it takes to win. One of them has to stop trying to be right, stop throwing everything in the kitchen sink, stop the rebuttal, arguing their case, and instead BE CONNECTED! That's it, that'll "win" it, that would stop your partner cold. Just seek to connect. Make your partner feel seen, heard, appreciated, understood, and likely the argument is over.
Ahhh, how does that work, you ask? Well, you validate what they are feeling. "You felt alone, like you had to handle everything by yourself, and you were really disappointed. I get it. I told you I'd be there, and I let you down, I'm so sorry. I love you. Come here {kiss}" Now didn't that go differently?
When couples stop engaging in winning or figuring out who is right and wrong or the particulars of the scenario and stay focused on staying connected, conflict goes better. Conflict serves a purpose...you can't have two humans in lockstep at all times and when they are misaligned, conflict done well leads to better understanding of what is going on emotionally and reconnection. The goal is NOT to not have conflict, but for the process to be productive. A therapist can help you learn this dance.
About the therapist: Dr. Melissa Hudson has been a Plano couples' counselor and licensed marriage and family therapist since 2012. She offices near the Shops of Legacy in West Plano conveniently located to serve the communities of McKinney, Allen, Richardson, and Frisco as well as offering statewide services via Telehealth. She also specializes in working with those contending with depression and anxiety as well as a wide spectrum of other psychological concerns you can learn about here.