As you enter your 30s and 40s, you may find yourself reflecting on the advice you received in your 20s about finding yourself or loving yourself more. Back then, it may have seemed like vague and cryptic advice that didn't make much sense. But as we grow and mature, we come to understand that connection is what really matters. It's the connections we have with friends, family, pets, and our community that contribute to our overall well-being and long-term happiness.
In the therapy world, attachment theory-based models have become the gold standard for treating relationship issues. But what about our attachment to ourselves? Our relationship with ourselves is the longest one we'll ever have, from cradle to grave. It could even be argued that it's the most important relationship we have. How we talk to ourselves matters. Are we kind and compassionate, or are we critical and perfectionistic?
When we treat ourselves with love and compassion, we create a secure sense of self and a secure attachment. We're able to approach relationships from a place of self-worth and confidence, not overly dependent on others or afraid of abandonment. This kind of confidence comes from having affirming connections with others, but most importantly, from having a kind and loving relationship with ourselves.
So what does loving yourself more look like? It's not about being harsh with yourself to stay motivated. In fact, most people report that their greatest motivators and mentors are people with high expectations, but also compassion. They strike a balance between pushing you to be your best self and showing you kindness and understanding.
Take a moment to think about your internal dialogue. What does it sound like? Is it something you need to work on? Our thoughts are incredibly powerful, and they can shape our perception of ourselves and the world around us. If you find that you need to work on your relationship with yourself, therapy is a great way to do that work.
Remember, loving yourself is not a vague or cryptic concept. It's about treating yourself with the same kindness and compassion that you would show a treasured friend. When you do that, you create a solid foundation for all your other relationships and for your overall well-being.
About the therapist: Dr. Melissa Hudson, LMFT-S has been a Plano couple's counselor and licensed marriage and family therapist for over a decade. She offices near the Shops of Legacy in West Plano conveniently located to serve the communities of The Colony, McKinney, Allen, Richardson, Carrollton, and Frisco as well as offering statewide services via Telehealth. She also specializes in working with couples and relationships. For more information about the services offered click here.