How to Get the Most Out of Therapy

Therapy can be an unsettling proposition. Many people are not quite sure what to expect. Some fear that a therapist is going to point out their faults and hold them to task, tell you to leave your partner, job, etc. (big no no...we help explore and you decide). While therapy is all about change, particularly changing in a way that will help you achieve your objectives, it's not about criticizing you. It is about honesty, however. Sometimes clients will spend time trying to "impress the therapist" or prove that a family member is a problem. This isn't particularly helpful. Once you decide you're ready to embark on therapy, the best approach is to come in and lay it all out. Therapists hear a lot, and we are also listening in a way that differs from other relationships and social interactions, so there's not any use in trying to craft a narrative for us--that would just be a waste of your money and everyone's time. Therapy is a place to be vulnerable and that's difficult; it takes courage, no doubt. Here are a few tips to make the most of therapy:

• Focus on yourself, clean your side of the street
• Pay attention to patterns of behavior over the minutia of stories (your therapist should be too)
• Blame is useless, again focus on your part
• Try a new way, if it doesn't work, okay, try another
• Have realistic expectations. change is slow, therapy takes time
• Be accountable, after all, you came to therapy because something isn't working, so change is necessary 

Clients who progress the quickest are ones who are as honest as they can be (with the understandings they have of situations), who look at how they behave and think rather than focusing on another, and who implement changes, often small but effective. While some venting is to be expected, week after week commiserating is not the work of therapy.