Over the years clients have told me that an important component of finding a therapist was finding someone who would not judge them. This is certainly important. If clients don't feel free to come in and speak to what is really going on in their life, lived experience, or relationships it is very difficult for a therapist to know how to work and help.
One of my guiding principles as a therapist, a pillar of my approach, is that there is always a reason for behavior. Often clients will "tell me what happened" or give details of behavior, and, for me, that's a starting point to begin to analyze why the behavior served the client at that time (maybe not anymore). So to judge a behavior or situation is a very surface-level thought. Sure, it's the way people often respond in "regular life" but a therapist is working through a very analytical lens. The behavior is just a starting point and even when it's inexplicable on the surface, I fall back to my foundational principle that there is a reason for behavior, often to keep us safe emotionally or physically or both. As a therapist, I believe this approach to what people come in and report is a strength and it helps me to build rapport and trust--all elements of therapy that are critical for positive outcomes for clients.
When couples work with me and report incidents that they are not proud of, same approach...I look deeper to understand the emotions driving the behavior. Most people know name calling or yelling or contemptuous and personal insults are not helpful, so judgement in such situations is not helpful. It's essential for the couple's therapist to go deeper and also consider the couple dynamic without both blame and judgement. As couples work with me more, they too, begin to not get triggered or emotionally reactivated by their partner's behavior but see it as a signal of something deeper (fear, hurt, need for closeness, etc.). And herein lies where real change can happen for couples, once they start to speak of their internal world and be there for each other. It's fascinating stuff, this work as a therapist. I'd be honored to walk along with you on your journey to healthier relationships.
About the therapist: Dr. Melissa Hudson, LMFT-S has been a Plano couple's counselor and licensed marriage and family therapist since 2012. She offices near the Shops of Legacy in West Plano conveniently located to serve the communities of The Colony, McKinney, Allen, Richardson, and Frisco as well as offering statewide services via Telehealth. She also specializes in working with those contending with depression and anxiety as well as a wide spectrum of other psychological concerns you can learn about here.